wakey wakey hands off snakey
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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