Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
