We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize