Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just saw a hot homeless man
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
