Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Holy sore nipples Batman
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
