On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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