I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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