just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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