She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize