I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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