Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
