You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
