Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
