it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
