I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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