Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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