you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
