The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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