How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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