Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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