He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
