See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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