No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
