yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
