Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize