You're a womanizer and a bitch.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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