I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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