aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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