Non-Jews are for practice
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
3 2 1 whiskey
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
