I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Your penis caused this!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
