did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
