you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
