Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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