so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
