apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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