When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
