Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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