She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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