GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
