I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
