Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
