I wanna passion pit in your ass
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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