She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
