I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
