we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
