if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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