Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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