Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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