Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
