My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
where are you?
Hypothermia
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
