Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
