Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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