I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
