I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
