Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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