Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
