As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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