Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
