Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
