well you can't waste a boner
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize