I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
