I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
