Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
