No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My ass is underappreciated
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
