Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
