I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Come share oat with me in your robe
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize