I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
